21 currently angry crying washing dishes and want to talk with someone

It is 11 pm. As soon as I finish typing this im going back to standing over my sink to vengfully scrub at a poor poor plate with scalding water, dish soap, and tears.

Oh why would I be doing this you ask, why would I do this to my poor plate that did nothing wrong?

Have you ever had a situationship?

Was it 5 years long, riddled with insecurity, self loathing, a deep feeling of devotion that only comes from first love, a feeling of being disgusted with yourself because you fell to their whims any time they were even remotely nice to you because they wanted you to send and you did it near instantly just to feel wanted by them?

Because if it was HEY TWINSE IM SO SORRY YOURE IN THE SAME BOAT

so now here I am. Me myself and I with only the kitchen sink to keep me company

And I bet youre just waiting to ask, but OP, if its been going on 5 years why are you breaking down now?

And the answer dear reader is this, 5 years of a heartbreaking, debilitating, all consuming situationship, and tonight I find out that they dont even know how to spell my name.

Ive overlooked missed birthdays, forgotten drink preferences, a complete disregard of absolutely anything I like or enjoy at all. But this one thing finally got me. My name. It was spelt so wrong in their phone it was a completely different one at that point.

So back to the dishes.

Ive spent the last 2 hours since learning that staring blank faced at my fish tank in deep thought, because of the sheer amount of time and energy ive dedicated to my now ended situationship, I don't have any other fucking friends. Not real ones at least and certainly not anything more, and that sent me down a spiral of sobbing, pacing my kitchen, and now glaring at dirty plates and pans while I type this

So that brings me here, I dont think anyone in my life knows me at all. Not how to spell my name apparently, not my favorite color, not my allergies, not my birthday, not my hobbies, not my insecurities or fears, not my goals, *nothing.*

So im posting this. Turning back to my sink, my plates, my dish soap, my tears. Then coming back on in the hopes that someone wants to get to know me.

Honestly, im going to be selfish and mean and probably still be crying if I actually have anyone to respond back to when im done, because im so fucking tired giving myself to people who dont want me back.