23 How to win over my maiden heart and other alternative methods.

First of all, you just need to read my post title since any other information will be obsolete. Female? There you go, that's all what constitutes me as a person worthy of your pm.

I want you to say nothing more than a 'hi' or 'hello' despite me asking for more than minimal effort on your end. I adore your rebellious spirit and will definitely pm you back begging for your attention, treat her mean keep her keen. What's even better is you being dominant by demanding my snap/whatsapp/social security number/discord and offering absolutely nothing else about yourself. I would even get legal adoption papers so I can call you Daddy/Mommy to my heart's content.

Do not hesitate to use your most diverse gonewild/nsfw account to pm me. I'm a very nosy person and will check your profile to understand more about you. The way you charmingly commented "In this gloomy world your bleached butthole shines brighter than ever" or "lol Id fuck u silly" will make me daydream so hard about you whispering such sweet nothing into my auditory canal one day.

In case I ask for platonic friends only, remember to casually send me photos of your genitals if you are a man. I'm an expert at reading WebMD and will diagnose you with 3 different kinds of testicular cancer and herpes. If you are a woman knowing that I'm straight, please try to convince me that I've been delusional about my heterosexuality all along and the Magical Lesbian Beam™ will solve the issue.

If we somehow manage to start a conversation, remember this rule: the number of words in your reply needs to be inversely proportional with mine. If I type a long sentence, do not respond with anything other than "oh" "lol" "ok" and other variations.

Thanks for reading, may we become the best of friend and I will give you a piggyback ride to Mount Doom.