33 If texting all day, sass, sarcasm and thick thighs aren't your thing, don't read this post...

DaOntario, and you still clicked it? Let's see if you get to the end of the post, then...

**A little about me;**

* My first language is English, followed VERY closely by sass, sarcasm and dark humor. I love banter, dad jokes, and stupid memes. Don't get me wrong though, I can absolutely hold an intelligent and serious conversation.
* I am married, and I have no desire to change either my life or yours. But I also *want to change your life*. Ya feel me? I want to find someone that I connect with, who can make me smile at my phone and belly laugh. I want to find the spark that's missing, without causing chaos and upheaval. I'm looking to keep it online, I'm not trying to fly across the country for a booty call.
* I'm a former emo kid who still obsesses over 2000's hits. I still lean heavily into the black eyeliner, in more of a cat eye fashion these days versus the 2005 racoon eye... ha.
* I'm not fit, never have been and probably never will be. I'm not BBW, just somewhere in between. Thick thighs, curvier than a mountain road, and short enough to get the bottom shelf groceries without hurting my back.
* I have pretty much open availability. I work late, and I'm up early with tiny humans. I'm alone a good portion of my life. I'd like to fill that empty time with texting you. However, I know that not everyone is as available. All I ask for is open and clear communication, and let me know if you're not going to be around for a bit so I don't think I've been ghosted (for the millionth time).

**A little about you;**

* Age doesn't matter, as long as you don't ask me what "AIM" is.
* You'll enjoy the respectful sass, and hopefully be able to give it back a bit.
* You're not looking for someone just to sext. You're looking for someone to connect to, someone to talk about your day with, someone to joke about the ridiculousness of the ENTIRE political climate (without getting offended... lol), someone who becomes part of your life and you care about more than just another random internet stranger.
* You have some kind of interest in video gaming, binge watching streaming services (I have literally all of them... please suggest a show I am running out of options).
* You're not looking for a Toronto secret model. I'm a solid 4 on the richter scale of hotness, and that's on a good day in the right lighting. I'm not trying to catfish anyone here.