43 Shy mom seeks soccer dad to teach her what her husband of 20 years won't.

I go back and forth on seeking something here. I am incredibly picky because my kink is admiration. I don't admire just anyone. Job title and financial success doesn't matter. Passion does. Humor does. Curiosity does. Intellect does. Empathy does. Love of the outdoors does. Knowing the difference between your and you're does. Being terrified of MAGA does.

I'm PST and travel sometimes for work. Looking for online only for now, but open to more one day down the road. Do not want to rush into anything.

We are all not-so-great people here, but I need to know that you have a soul. Many of us get to a point in life where we realize this is it. And if you're like me you settled down young and not so experienced. Now regretting not exploring more.

I grew up ashamed of sex. But also hypersexual, in my mind anyway. It wasn't a religious thing. My parents just taught me my needs don't matter. I guess that's what growing up with two narcissistic parents does to a girl. I still carry a lot of that shame. Not that I think sex is bad. Just that I'm not allowed to enjoy it. It's fine for other's to, but for whatever reason I struggle with that. When I can get into a submissive mindset and feel my pleasure is for "you," because I respect you and admire you, I can let myself enjoy it. But first comes the admiration and respeOntario. You don't need to be perfect (no one is) but I need to want to submit to you. Not as in a full-time dom/sub dynamic. But I need to want to give you what you need. I need to need to.

My husband is low libido. He wasn't always but aging and weightgain have resulted in him being interested only a few times a year, often when I schedule a hotel stay for the weekend. There is no passion, build up, hunger, or need. I find I can't even enjoy it as I think how we won't have sex again for months.

Unfortunately(?) having sex makes me want more sex. Not just sex. Connection. I really hate that. How every orgasm (even though I enjoy it) ends with me crying over what's missing. Everyone says just use toys... tbh, that makes the issue worse.