Experience.

I just want to share some things I've learned from my own experience in this OA world (this may or may not apply to you, just take what is useful and ignore what's not) :

1. A photo does not speak a thousand words - nor it is enough to be a primary measure of attraction. Case in point: I once traded a pic with a guy who I was not initially attracted to -- but because he was so fun to talk to and very engaging, I decided to get to know him a little bit more. Finally, we decided to have a video call -- & to my surprise, he was so damn attractive! Lesson: not everyone knows how to take good photos of themselves. A pic is one dimensional. Get on a video call (and see the other person move and talk!).

2. This requires time and effort. Yes, I get it -- we have actual lives. But if we can't craft some time for it or give a certain level of commitment to build that connection, don't expect to get what you want. Consistency is key.

3. It's okay to have a break. Just simply ask for it and explain why. Sometimes we just need some time to ourselves to regain our balance, and that's ok. The important thing is we communicate our needs (& let the other person know how much time you need).

4. Just like in any kind of relationships, create rituals (like saying "good morning" or "good night") & make each other feel special. You already feel neglected at home. Don't let the other person feel neglected as well. It only takes 5 seconds to have a quick check-in.

5. Age doesn't matter. Really, in OA it doesn't (as long as you're of legal age). I've talked to someone so young, yet so mature and wise beyond his age. And I've chatted with someone older, and it felt like talking to a very horny teenager. More than the age, connection matters the most (see if we vibe).

6. Height also doesn't matter. Even if you decide to meet IRL (really, does it matter when you're both lying in bed?). And the truth is, how many of us could actually meet in real life - even if we want to?

7. Don't take it personally when someone opted out or they say you're not their type. That's alright. You know your worth. It's not about you. It's about them. And believe me, there are so many options. Just say, "Next!"

8. Be clear about your boundaries-- express what you like and you don't like.