online/est/cst- Dear Hiring Committee (aka You),

Hello!

I am excited to submit my application for the as-yet-unwritten position of Partner in Laughter, Flirting, and Snuggling. While the official posting hasn’t been published yet, I believe my experience make me uniquely qualified for the job.

Qualifications include:

Height: 6’1” (excellent reach for top-shelf items and surprise hugs)

Build: Teddy bear — ideal for comfort, warmth, and Olympic-level snuggling

Appearance: Silver hair, goatee, and a look best described as “distinguished mischief”

Current role: Proud dad to a young kiddo, which means I’ve mastered silly voices, and snack negotiation.

Availability: Evenings until 10 p.m. EST — fully present and invested in quality connection before lights out

Core skills:

Humor: Proven ability to make both adults and kids laugh until their cheeks hurt

Communication: Daily good mornings, good nights, and voice memos guaranteed

Culinary collaboration: Recipe swapping and taste-testing encouraged

Emotional intelligence: Reliable cheerleader, thoughtful listener, and encourager of goofy selfies

Ideal colleague (you):

An optimist with librarian vibes (degree optional, energy required)

Enjoys snickering at private jokes, indulging in playful innuendo, and maybe doesn’t mind an occasional silly knock-knock joke from the kiddo

Loves recipes as much as trading smiles

Thicc, curvy, and confident — with a heart that shines as much as your laugh

In conclusion, while no formal job description has been posted, I am confident we could create one together — one filled with warmth, laughter, kiddo-approved adventures, and a connection worth building on. I look forward to scheduling our first “interview,” which I imagine might involve dinner, flirting, and maybe a glass of wine once the little one’s asleep.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warm regards,

Me