33 Japanese woman

I am a 33 year old married Japanese woman.（live in Japan). I'm looking for a platonic relationship outside of marriage.
My husband is mentally ill and violent, so our marriage ended, but we are still together for the sake of our child.
Living with a mentally ill husband is very painful. I thought that for the sake of keeping this family in peace, and for my own sanity, I might be allowed to find love outside of marriage.

I just want to share spiritual warm love and joy.
I haven't had a close conversation with a man for many years because my husband and I are often unable to have a conversation due to his disability.
I didn't really want to cover up my frustration with food or fall in love with an actor.
Sometimes I feel so unbearable. I feel lonely, anxious, and miserable.
It's so scary to think that I'm going to grow old and die.
I want to be in the experience of loving and being loved.