37 I am done with connections, anyone up for ghosting?

At this point, I’ve had such impressive success with what most people would confidently label as “failed relationships” that I’ve started to… enjoy them. Truly a proud overachiever in the wrong category.

Everytime I convince myself that this one would be different, it’s clearly not. This has inspired me to put together a little collection of all the personality types I somehow keep vibing with. Lucky me.

1. Needy - Overly segsual, will text you mid orgasm and disappear when they are done with you.

2. Emotional - Will confess their feelings, send essays worthy of a novel and then block you while you’re peacefully asleep.

3. Unhappy - Life is unfair, people are terrible, their SO is the worst human alive and somehow, none of it is ever their fault.

4. Busy - Working in a “professional job” but will make time for you. However, they’ll reply once every 24 business hours and keep you on hold until they find a better option.

5. Bored - Chronically bored, constantly restless and somehow completely unaware that they might be the boring ones.

6. 420 - Will regularly update you on just how high they are and how it transforms them into an absolute legend.

If you see yourself in any (or all—no judgment) of the above categories and feel like testing your luck with a sane, witty, slightly sarcastic guy, applications are open. Timezone doesn’t matter. I’ll obviously be the one doing all the work anyway.