42 I wouldn’t be caught dead at a Coldplay concert, so it’s safe to have an affair with me

I’m into indie rock, so my preferred music venue is a dimly-lit club free of Jumbotrons, where it will be hard to identify us from across the floor. Also, the bands I like are too cool for your coworkers and neighbors, so no one who knows you will be there to see us together. Although you can bring your work bestie for cover if she can keep a secret and is possibly down for a threesome afterward.

As an aging, wannabe-hipster, I like to maintain an air of detached insouciance, so therefore I won’t be PDAing you at the show like the CEO of Astronomer. I will, however, canoodle you in the privacy of a hotel room while making you watch a YouTube video of a 2006 live performance from an obscure band that you’re not really interested in on my phone. So we can kind of recreate the magic of the Coldplay show.

Let me know if you’re interested.

I’m married.