Cat looking for a a human man for my human

My human is obviously incapable of finding a man herself. She’s been single for waaaay too long. She can’t find a man at church. She can’t find a man at school. I need a man to sweep her off her feet. I need someone to be my cat dad. Then I will have someone to give me more treats.

From what I can see, my human enjoys:

- Talking to me (sometimes she sings horribly to me)
- Leaving me to go on what she calls “trips” (how rude)
- She lays in bed and watches something on the box of pictures.
- She takes naps with me (we have room for one more).

My human must be patient. She doesn’t yell at me when I poop on the floor or when I bring in dead animals. Although, she does throw out the treats I bring to her! How will she survive if she can’t hunt? If she does...who will feed me? This is where you come in. You feed me if she dies.