I Think I've Realized..

... through all of this, the spark I'm trying to get back is me. The feeling I miss most is feeling myself. The adoration I crave most is my own. The longing I feel, the loneliness that haunts me, more than ghosts ever will, the utter fucking stillness of the heart that I feel sometimes while I scroll through here late, late at night...

The longing I feel is for my own old spark, not just any old flame.

Are you there still, I wonder softly to the girl I once was, is our heart still even a bit on fire? Can you still burn even if you're burning on your own?

Guess we're finding out.

My own, not yours, for a change.