O plunge your hands in water

Addendum: I try not to ask things of people, but if you’re willing to read to me, I’ll probably fall in love.

Oh hi there, you just caught me mending my fences. One of the many things I do here on the ranch.

I just put down my smutty faerie political thriller book and turned on a true crime docuseries on Netflix because I’m also a woman of culture. I contain multitudes, friend.

Want to know about me? There’s a slightly older post that focuses on me. It’s pretty fun. Rave reviews. You’ll totally want to check it out. But I wanna talk about you.

You’re…

- Married

- Witty, intelligent, thoughtful, and most importantly, CURIOUS.

- Reasonably attractive

- Fluent enough in English to type grammatically correct sentences

- Conversational enough to navigate nuance and sarcasm

- Capable of seeing beyond your own bias. Be it social, political, or otherwise. Just not a fucking know-it-all.

- Able to argue in good faith. I love a good debate and I’ll frequently argue both sides. Have an open mind and a willingness to discuss anything and everything.

- Honest and loyal. Look, I get the iroOntario. Suspend a little disbelief here. Have some cognitive dissonance…for fun.

We’re clearly not the most honest or loyal people or we wouldn’t be here. HOWEVER, with that knowledge, maybe just let down the facade with one person? That’s what I’m looking for. I already wear a mask in at least one aspect of my marriage. I don’t need another relationship where I have to pretend.

I’m very understanding. Quite empathetic. Capable of seeing perspective and understanding nuance. There is absolutely no reason to lie to me. I don’t want to be impressed. I find perfection boring. I just want real. Please be real.

- An absolute pervert. Truly. Things you’re embarrassed to admit. I promise I like porn more than you do. I promise I’m kinkier than you are. I want to be your whore. That’s where the trust thing comes in. I want to send you videos and pictures that will make you blush. I want to make you make sounds that will embarrass you while we’re on the phone or video chatting. Please be nasty to me. Call me things that should make me feel terrible about myself but only make my clit throb.