RELATED INCIDENT

Listen up, dessert degenerates.
I have made… choices.

It started innocently: “I’ll just have a small slice of tiramisu.”
But this wasn’t normal tiramisu.
This thing had so much rum in it the slice legally qualified as a pirate.

I took one bite and suddenly my dessert started giving me life advice.
By bite three, I was fluent in three new languages.
By bite five, I was texting my boss saying, “You ever met a dessert that understands you?”

At one point I’m 70% sure the tiramisu tried to climb off the plate and start a bar fight.

This was not a cheat. This was a full-blown rum-fueled affair.
I woke up the next morning with:

Cocoa powder on my face

An empty pan

And a note that just said, “Good luck explaining this.”

Look, if any of you see a tiramisu wandering around with a suspiciously boozy aroma:
That’s mine.
Tell it I miss it.

New Product Plug:
Captain Calorie’s Rumageddon Tiramisu
Now with enough rum to make you apologize to furniture you bumped into.

Stay reckless, cheaters.
And remember: if the tiramisu starts talking back…
…you’ve probably had enough.
But you won’t stop anyway.

Married, looking for the same.