34 Lessons from a failed post

Hello OA, I am here to tell you the tale of my recently failed OA post. Different username, so don’t bother checking my post history. I had written a well crafted post thoroughly describing my ideal OA partner and met what I thought were a few great guys! Ultimately it seemed they either ghosted or it fizzled out (maybe both?), so here I am again.

I’ve learned some lessons in this process and thought I’d pass along some tidbits of wisdom to the men out their searching for their person. Upon first read they may seem like common sense, but we all know what they say about common sense.

1. Good news first! Out of literally hundreds of replies, there was only one unsolicited dick pic. This is progress, gentleman!

2. This is a numbers game my friends, it’s nothing personal. It’s not possible to respond to everyone, and berating the poor gal for her lack of response isn’t going to do you any favors. Everyone here, myself included, would be shocked if I counted up how many times that happened. If I wasn’t able to respond in a day or two, I was always happy to see a follow-up message!

3. This one is going to seem snarky, because it is. I never liked the guy who immediately says “you seem too busy” when I didn’t respond immediately. Yes, I’m a mother and I’m busy. All you just told me is you don’t have any understanding of the invisible work and uneven expectations on mothers. Do yourself a favor by googling it, learn something from it, and change your home life. Don’t you dare tell me you “help” your wife with your own kids.

ETA: Guys, calling me mad or bitter about this isn’t helping your case. “Helping” someone implies the onus is on them. They are your children, you should not just be merely “helping”.

4. To improve your odds of receiving a reply, for the love of god write more than “hey what’s up” or “what u doin”

5. You aren’t the only ones being ghosted. I was ghosted so many times. I was most confused by the ones who just never sent another message after the first. Seems like a waste of your time more than mine, but you do you.

6. Most men said they were looking for a connection before anything sexual, but that didn’t seem to always be the case. T is totally fine if you are looking for solely a sexual connection, but don’t assume everyone else is too.

7. Above all, let’s be kind to each other. Kindness goes a long way.