34 I’m a cautionary tale.

I posted here in April, back when I thought it’d be a fun distraction if I found someone I liked. Back when saying I wanted to “fall in love a little bit” seemed like a silly and remote possibility.

But then I met someone I liked. A lot. Way more than I intended. And yeah, I guess I fell in “love” a little bit. Although I didn’t realize it until after it was already over.

It took me so much by surprise, and I don’t know how to describe how numbing the past two months without him have been. When I started doing this, I told myself I wanted to know if there was something better and more fulfilling out there for me. And now I know there is… and I lost it… I find myself wishing I was still living in ignorance.

Basically what I’m saying is that I fucked around and found out. So before you decide to fuck around, make sure you can handle the consequences.

I posted an ad a few weeks ago on here under a different throwaway account, and I immediately regretted it. I felt nothing looking at all the chat requests and messages. I responded to nobody. I deleted the post. I don’t want to use anybody to get over him. I just want him, ya know?

Turns out I can’t have it all.