Tired, sarcastic, looking for actual friendship

Hi.

44, married, functioning adult. I work, I parent, I keep things moving. From the outside everything looks fine.

Inside? I’m just lonely as fuck...

I’m not looking to be someone’s “extra spark.” If you’re happily partnered and bored, I’m not your person. I’m not interested in being entertainment for someone who already feels chosen while I’m over here feeling forgotten.

Some of us aren’t chasing excitement. We’re trying to survive the kind of loneliness that exists inside a shared bed we're trapped in.

It’s not just about sex and dead bedrooms. It’s about becoming part of the background in your own life. About being the reliable one, the stable one, the one who keeps everything moving… and slowly realizing no one is actually looking at you anymore.

That’s what I mean when I say lonely, and what I actually want is friendship, companionship.

I miss talking to someone about random things. The idiot at work. Movies. Why Final Fantasy stopped being turn-based (still not over it). Life. The small stupid things that happen during the day.

I’m a caring person. I give a lot. I listen. I show up. Sometimes I think I give more than I get back, and lately that’s been feeling heavy.

Yes, I’m tired.

Yes, I’m out of shape.

Yes, life is… a lot sometimes.

But I’m still funOntario. Still thoughtful. Still someone who can have long conversations about nothing and everything. My big heart keeps caring and giving in despite of my brain's objections.

So... if you’re also just looking for real conversation and friendship, say hi.

Please be 40+... I want to talk to someone that is going or that has gone through the same things in life.